今天雅思无忧小编为大家带来了雅思作文求改 求改雅思作文，希望能帮助到大家，一起来看看吧！
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修改雅思作文
提几点意见吧：1 你离题了，题目问的是是不是所有人都可以被培养成优秀的音乐家或者是运动员，而你的第二段一直强调的是teaching的重要性。teaching重要并不代表所有人都能被培养成优秀的运动员和音乐家，这之间没有逻辑联系。第三段，你说的是有些人很有天赋，不需要上课神码的，然后举了几个成功人士的例子。但是题目问的是是不是任何孩子都能被培养成出色的运动员和音乐家，这里的any你没有论证。几个成功人士的例子并不能论证任何人都能被培养成成功人士。
2不要套模板，第一段一看就是套模板的。
3 谨慎使用那些太绝对的词，比如 only approach, inevitable,must等.
4 注意句子的简洁。 it is the only approache advancing to success that we are told 这句话我觉得改成it is an essential approach to achieve success会更好一些，advance to觉得很怪，后面那个that we are told让人觉得多余了。
5 不要一直尝试使用一些大词和一些你无法驾驭的复杂语法结构，文章首先需要的是简洁明了，其次才是修辞。
6 注意文章的逻辑关系：看你结尾段这句话In my own view, anyone can be taught to turn into an exceptional musician or sportsman under teaching and training. Yet, even a person with innate strength also。每个人都能被培养成优秀的运动员和音乐家，即使是那些有天赋的人。这个句子逻辑关系好像不大对吧。那些有天赋的人应该更容易成为iyouxiu的运动员和音乐家吧。
7 你的论证太简单了，不能给你的中心论点提供很强有力的support
加油吧，好好努力~~
雅思作文求改
字数不够，一定要注意。有点偏题，题目没有提及公立学校，而公立学校好也不代表私立学校不好，如果你想通过让步突出私立学校好的方面，就应该详细点写，而不是简单一句there are many disputes disturbing them as well带过就算了。让步最好放在前面。Students seem to have ongoing preference for private secondary schools because of their professional teaching staff, competitive courses and excellent facilities. Despite the merits, critics are concerned about the demerits lying in this educational form, such as high tuition fee. Personally, going to private schools is a better choice for students’ growth.
Admittedly, other than public schools, the tuition fee of private schools is exorbitant and it is affordable for some sections of students only. As the widen gap between the rich and the poor, a private school is assessable for students who are able to pay, rather than who are able to learn. As a result, the advance educational resources are shared unequally by a small group of people.
However, private schools are superior because of smaller classroom sizes, which is under high funding condition. To be more precise, smaller class enables students to gain more individual attention from teachers. When they confront with difficulties in their study, teachers can adjust the materials and methods of instruction to students’ aptitudes individually. In this case, learners can fully absorb the knowledge within a certain time, which makes them more competitive.
Another remarkable quality of a private school is its proficiency in formulating and promoting different extracurricular programs. For instance, many private schools offer professional training in music and sport in terms of fostering students’ physical, emotional and social well-being. The excellent facilities and teachers with rich experience can drive the students toward higher performance as well as all-conclusive development.
On the basis of above factors, I am convinced that private school, in many aspects, such as teaching staff competitive course and fully developed facilities, outperforms the public school. On the other hand, its high tuition fee puts much pressure on the students from low income families. Thus, private schools, in large extent, are more suitable for high income families.
求改雅思作文
“It is believed taht ”中应是“that”；convinience错了，应是“convenience”；
“As a children are taken are by teachres …”改为“As children are taken by teachers…”；
“shcools have more resource help children to learn more.”改为schools have more resources helping children to learn more.”
For instance, when children are playing together, they will learn more from each other. Admittedly, teachers play an important role in teaching them how to help each other. There are more activities in school for them than at home. They will make children become more hamonious with other children. Moreover, schools have rich facilities to help learning. Thus, children will have more chances to gain fast improvements there.
To sum up, there are a great deal of merits of sending children to school at their early age. It is undoutble that children should be staying at school earlier, since they can lean more at shool, which will help them be more competitive in the future.
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