今天雅思无忧小编整理了【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼 英语作文 忙碌的一天相关信息，希望在这方面能够更好帮助到大家。
本文目录一览：
【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼1、危险的运动应该被取消 ，这样的话题出现的还是比较普遍的，相对来说也比较好写，但也因为范围太广不好找切入点，这位同学写得还不错，看看他是怎样展开思路的？
作文题目：
Some people think that
dangerous sports should be banned,but others think the people should have
freedom to choose sports activities.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
作文内容：
Extreme sports are becoming
increasingly popular due to the fact that individuals nowadays are awash with
repeated daily work and want to find something exciting to do.Although a
group of people believe that the dangerous sports should be banned,I firmly
hold the opinion that people have their rights and freedom to choose sports
activities.
There is no doubt that extreme
sports may be life-threatening.Even if the security facilities have been
improved significantly compared to the past,accidents do exist.For
instance,every year there are some people getting injured or even losing
their lives in bungee jumping as a result of the loose cords or jumping from
a inappropriate place.From this perspective,it seems that in order to protect
human beings from danger,dangerous sports should be restricted.
However,doing dangerous sports is
an effective way to alleviate stress and make people cherish their
lives.Nowadays,owing to the fast flow of information,individuals live a
fast-paced life.When they finish certain works,now ones quickly flock to them
which could breed high pressure.In this circumstance,extreme sports such as
skydiving can help them get rid of the troublesome work[A1]
as they need to totally focus on
the dangerous sports,which means,they have little time to think about their
work.Moreover,people may cherish their lives more via experiencing the
frightening feelings of death.
To conclude,although extreme
sports like bungee jumping and skydiving may be life-threatening,the
probability is quite small.Also,the
dangerous activities are beneficial because they could alleviate stress and
make people cherish their lives.[A2] Therefore,they should be continued
and the authorities have the duty to make the security facilities more
reliable.
[A1]摆脱的不是工作，而是工作带来的压力，这里需要修改；
[A2]和上面的重复过多，缓解压力变相表达就是心情变得更加愉悦，可以从这个角度来改变表达方式，后者及意识的生命的宝贵，不可直接把上面的句子拿下来
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
结尾段的语句不够精炼，这点给整篇文章拉分。希望今后不要出现结尾段直接和上面表达雷同的情况，并且表达方式可以更加灵活
附批改原图：
雅思热文
雅思学校教育英语作文范文
以下是一篇关于学校教育的雅思作文范文：题目：Somepeoplethinkthatschoolsshouldfocusonteachingacademicsubjects,whileothersbelievethatschoolsshouldplacemoreemphasisonteachingpracticalskills.Discussbothviewsandgiveyourownopinion.
范文：
Introduction:Inrecentyears,debateshavearisenregardingtheprimaryfocusofschooleducation.Somearguethatschoolsshouldprioritizeteachingacademicsubjects,whileothersbelievethatteachingpracticalskillsshouldtakeprecedence.Inthisessay,Iwilldiscussbothperspectivesandprovidemyownopinion.
Teachingacademicsubjects:Oneargumentinfavorofprioritizingacademicsubjectsisthattheyprovidestudentswithastrongfoundationforfurthereducationandfuturecareerprospects.Academicsubjects,suchasmathematicsandscience,developcriticalthinkingskillsandanalyticalabilities,whichareessentialinvariousfieldsofstudy.Moreover,asolidunderstandingofacademicsubjectsoftenservesasaprerequisiteforadmissiontouniversitiesandhighereducationinstitutions.
Teachingpracticalskills:Ontheotherhand,proponentsofpracticalskillsarguethatschoolsshouldplacemoreemphasisonequippingstudentswithskillsthataredirectlyapplicabletotheirdailylivesandfuturecareers.Practicalskills,suchascommunication,problem-solving,andteamwork,areessentialinnavigatingthechallengesoftherealworld.Byfosteringpracticalskills,schoolsnotonlypreparestudentsfortheworkforcebutalsoempowerthemtobecomeindependentandadaptableindividualscapableofnavigatingvariouslifesituations.
personalopinion:Whileacademicsubjectsundoubtedlyplayavitalroleinastudent'seducation,Ibelievethatschoolsshouldstrikeabalanceandprovideopportunitiesforthedevelopmentofbothacademicknowledgeandpracticalskills.Withastrongfoundationinacademicsubjects,studentscanacquirethenecessaryskillsforcriticalthinkingandproblem-solving.However,practicalskillsareequallyimportantinpreparingstudentsfortherealworldandenablingthemtothriveintheirpersonalandprofessionallives.
Conclusion:Inconclusion,thedebateaboutwhetherschoolsshouldfocusprimarilyonteachingacademicsubjectsorpracticalskillscontinuestogeneratediscussion.Whileacademicsubjectslaythegroundworkforadvancededucationandcareeropportunities,practicalskillsarecrucialforstudents'personalandprofessionaldevelopment.Therefore,awell-roundededucationthatencompassesbothacademicknowledgeandpracticalskillsisessentialinpreparingstudentsforfuturesuccess.
这篇范文在介绍部分直截了当地呈现了论题，并在过渡自然的情况下展示了两种观点。随后，论文分别列举了教授学术科目和教授实用技能的理由和重要性，并在第三段中给出了个人观点，主张学校应该注重培养学生的学术知识和实用技能。在结尾部分，论文对观点进行总结，并强调了平衡的重要性。通过清晰的逻辑和结构清晰的写作风格，这篇作文充分展示了作者的观点并对问题进行了深入分析。
英语作文 忙碌的一天
她今天非常忙碌，就像勤劳的蜜蜂一样。早上，她上了两节课，接着又参加了一个针对雅思考试的课程。午餐时间都过去了，她还没有吃午餐。她的雅思班里有很多人，大多数来自印度。他们参加这个课程的原因和她一样。现在，她感到非常疲惫，没有精力工作，但她仍然有许多作业需要完成。她还面临其他问题。上学期，她决定在纽卡斯尔开始新的学期，并让约翰退还她的学费。但现在她改变了主意，告诉约翰她不想退还学费，但约翰告诉她，支票已经寄出近两周了。她至今还未收到支票，她向约翰说明了情况。最终，约翰表示会帮忙询问财务人员给她再开一张信，然后她签字后一切就会恢复正常。这真是个荒谬的世界。如果她当时没有让约翰退还学费，事情会简单得多。如果她的孩子能够安静地睡觉，他可能会看到蜜蜂在完成蜂蜜后，在明媚的阳光下翩翩起舞。如果孩子安然入睡，无数的天使将会接近他，他们美丽而明亮，只在夜晚出现。
忙碌的一天对她来说充满了挑战和困扰。尽管疲惫不堪，她还是坚持完成了当天的工作。在处理完各种事务后，她开始思考生活的意义。她意识到，每一天都是新的开始，不管遇到什么困难，只要坚持不懈，总会有解决的办法。她也希望自己的孩子能够在宁静的夜晚，被天使们围绕，拥有一个美好的梦。
生活就像一场旅行，有时候会遇到曲折和坎坷，但只要保持乐观的心态，总会有光明的未来。忙碌的一天虽然疲惫，但也让她更加珍惜每一个与家人共度的宁静时光。她相信，通过努力和坚持，她能够克服一切困难，迎接更加美好的明天。
忙碌的一天让她深刻体会到，生活中的每一个瞬间都值得珍惜。她希望能够给予孩子一个充满爱和温暖的环境，让他在宁静的夜晚，被天使们的祝福包围，拥有一个美好的梦。
忙碌的一天虽然充满挑战，但也让她更加珍惜与家人共度的时光。她相信，通过努力和坚持，她能够克服一切困难，迎接更加美好的未来。在未来的日子里，她希望能够给予孩子一个充满爱和温暖的环境，让他在宁静的夜晚，被天使们的祝福包围，拥有一个美好的梦。
以上，就是雅思无忧小编给大家带来的【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼 英语作文 忙碌的一天全部内容，希望对大家有所帮助！
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