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求大神批改雅思7 test2大作文谢谢
1. 第一段立论中关键词crime使用有问题： All kinds of crimes are committed against the law(s) and should be punished with no doubt！ 建议将crime改成offence(s)或wrong-doing(s).
2. 第二段第一句which is not fair使用不当（which指代不清），应改成 as otherwise it is not fair. 下一句slightly改成underweigh或用短语with due punishment；而right(s)是不能用violate(d)修饰的，建议改成the rights of the victims will be infringed/ will not be duely protected.
3. 下一句有几个问题：①从句时态使用不当，“当时可能不…”应使用虚拟语气might have been…；②unwilling使用不当，这里应该使用(do/did sth on purpose )；③criminals和crime有很大几率被认为是措辞重复，可以将crime换成offence；④has no relationship with措辞不当。建议将这句改成
It is true that some of the criminals might not have committed their offences on purpose. But that has nothing to do with the innocent victims.
4. 下一句They指代不清，建议改成The victims or their families(之所以加or…，是因为victims有可能已经死了)。下一句obeying措辞不当，obey意思是“顺从”而非“遵从”，应改成abiding by. 在thus前后是两句话，应该将,thus改成Thus；do not have the right措辞不当，建议改成should not be treated或should not be liable to being treated.
5. 第三段第一句motivation要变成复数，society要改成people.下一句没听懂要表达什么意思。最后一句which前应加逗号，即改成非限制性定语从句。
6. 第四段第一句cimmit应加宾语；those who don't have 措辞不当，可以改成those without ，以便与前面的with-短语相呼应。
7. 下一句samely措辞有问题，到底怎么个same法(是with the same level of penalty还是什么)要说清楚。
注： 建议题主丰富法律专用词汇。比如，在谈“惩罚/处罚/刑罚”时，除了使用punishment，还可以用penalty，甚至是名词性从句what they deserve. 谈“罪犯”时，除了criminal，有时也可以用offender、culprit等。同时要注意大众词汇的使用，如本文最后的 affect the legal system negatively 就可以说成 do harm to the legal system.
拙见，未必妥当，仅供参考。不妥之处请指正。
求大神批改雅思10 test2 大作文谢谢
1. 第一句can choose改成should be free to choose；第二句related to science and tachnology 需修正，要考虑文科生的存在；最后一句的have the freedom应改成 should have the freedom.
2. 第二段第一句know改成note；后面的but should also be considered as places措辞有问题（不是“应该 被视为/看作 ”，是本应该 就是 ！），建议改成but are also institutions； 单词potencies建议改成potentials. 最后一句be talented使用值得商榷，通常人们在感兴趣的领域会学习 效率更高 ，但未必在这些领域就更有天赋，建议使用Because learning is normally more efficient in fields a student/students is/are interested in, depriving his/their…；单词limit改成hinder也许会更好。
3. 第三段第一句more subjects前面缺少一个类似learning/offering的定语；下一句的状语从句和后面的主句不搭，undergraduates前面缺少first-year或freshmen作定语，as-从句里homes改成families(家人)更好、they leave…friends改成带状语修饰的they leave their families and friends for such a long time for the first time 也许是必要的；下一句 establishing courses措辞不当，根据要表达的意思应该使用 sorting course groups .最后一句依然要考虑文科生。
4. 第四段第三句的skills应使用单数。若担心体现不出“不同的人有不同的单一技术”，可以改用符合词single-skilled graduates. 下一句的outstanding措辞不当(真达到outstanding程度的人就会是稀缺人才)，建议改成comparatively better. 后面的even改成though.
5. 最后一段题主首先还是要考虑如何修改related to science and technology以便把文科涵盖进去的问题。其次，talented强调 天分 ，一般后天培养出来的能力或才能不算talent的范畴。
【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法
【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法1、政府应该对铁路比公路花钱？ 这位同学整体架构比较完整，但是口语化比较严重，语法错误比较多，基础不够扎实，需多多练习。最终得分4.5-5分，还有很大的进步空间。
作文题目:大作文：剑11Test1大作文
Governments should spend
money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree
with this statement?
作文内容：
Traffic problem has
disturbed government for a long term,as a lot of measure [b1] have been taken to solve
that, [b2] there are still some
problems remained,m[b3] any people say that
government should spend more money on rail rather than road,but i can not[b4]
totally agree with this
opinion.
Railway, comparing [b5] with road,has larger
capacity to load
[b6] goods or people,and it
is also a good choice for long-distance travel.One of the advantages of rail
is that you will never meet a traffic light or jam on your way to the destiny[b7] .Government have invest [b8] a lot to make it more safe[b9]
and convenient[b10] ,but sometimes it [b11] still makes trouble for people when it is at[b12]
peak time;[b13] such as Spring Festival in China,there are even not enough tickets
for those passengers who want to go home and [b14] they have to stay in the waiting room for a long time.So more
basic facilities or more trains are needed to serve such a large number of
people and increase the degree of comfort in passenger s [b15] journey.
On the contrast,road ,as
another way that frequently used,is more flexible than railway,b[b16] ut things changed when traffic condition is poor,ad [b17] people nowadays spend a lot of time on traffic jam due to the
increasing number of private cars,especially in those major cities.In order
to figure this problem,government should invest to build more roads like [b18] overhead-roads to release the traffic stress ,so that the air quality[b19]
in cities will improve a lot ,too.[b20]
Overall,fund [b21] are needed in both of areas,but it is not wise to say that more
money should be used in rail or road,it must according [b22] to the circumstance.
[b1]measures
[b2]but
[b3]注意断句，Many
[b4]写作中是cannot
[b5]compared
[b6]transfer
[b7]destination
[b8]has invested
[b9]safer
[b10]more convenient
[b11]指谁？
[b12]改成during
[b13]符号不对
[b14]又是连接谁？
[b15]passengers
[b16]另起一句，大写
[b17]？
[b18]这是口语用词
[b19]和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里？
[b20]口语
[b21]funds
[b22]情态动词后用原形
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子，因为口语化的说法很多，最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句。句子可以写长，但长句也遵循语法规则，需要连词或者合适的代词。需要系统学习语法。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路，考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了。
附批改原图：
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