今天雅思无忧小编整理了雅思作文批改！帮忙了谢谢！最好是老师~（【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法）相关信息，希望在这方面能够更好的大家。
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雅思作文批改！帮忙了谢谢！最好是老师~
这位同学你好，我是世纪雅思的写作老师。看到你这篇文章，礼貌性地想给你点意见。首先，从文章整体而言，已然达到雅思大作文的基本要求，即250词，但一：文章结构上比较乱，你并没有在首段给出自己的明确观点，只是写了两类人持有怎样的观点，这样的错误是绝对不能犯的，一定要在首段就给出自己明确的看法。
其次，从词汇、语法的使用情况来看。在作文的正式文体中，类似于像don't,it'll的缩写最好是改成do not和it will。还有，全文最后一个词应该改成success，succeed是动词，前面不可以放冠词"a".还有，第二段的倒数第四句中，Last, it is obviously that...这里面obviously 是副词，放在了it is的后面，显然是不对的，要改成obvious.语法方面，句式多变，而且用法正确，基本无大的问题。
最后一点不得不提的是你对but这个词的使用。我看完通篇之后明白你倾向于鼓励培养孩子们的竞争意识，但你每次用在but词后面的都是在说合作的重要，这一点要注意，我们拿汉语去理解也清楚，说一句话的时候，but后才是要重点强调的部分，希望下次你写的时候要注意。
总之，希望你在雅思大作文的结构上多下点功夫，可以去参考下剑桥书后面的范文，相信会对你有很大的帮助。继续加油！
【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法
【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法1、政府应该对铁路比公路花钱？ 这位同学整体架构比较完整，但是口语化比较严重，语法错误比较多，基础不够扎实，需多多练习。最终得分4.5-5分，还有很大的进步空间。
作文题目:大作文：剑11Test1大作文
Governments should spend
money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree
with this statement?
作文内容：
Traffic problem has
disturbed government for a long term,as a lot of measure [b1] have been taken to solve
that, [b2] there are still some
problems remained,m[b3] any people say that
government should spend more money on rail rather than road,but i can not[b4]
totally agree with this
opinion.
Railway, comparing [b5] with road,has larger
capacity to load
[b6] goods or people,and it
is also a good choice for long-distance travel.One of the advantages of rail
is that you will never meet a traffic light or jam on your way to the destiny[b7] .Government have invest [b8] a lot to make it more safe[b9]
and convenient[b10] ,but sometimes it [b11] still makes trouble for people when it is at[b12]
peak time;[b13] such as Spring Festival in China,there are even not enough tickets
for those passengers who want to go home and [b14] they have to stay in the waiting room for a long time.So more
basic facilities or more trains are needed to serve such a large number of
people and increase the degree of comfort in passenger s [b15] journey.
On the contrast,road ,as
another way that frequently used,is more flexible than railway,b[b16] ut things changed when traffic condition is poor,ad [b17] people nowadays spend a lot of time on traffic jam due to the
increasing number of private cars,especially in those major cities.In order
to figure this problem,government should invest to build more roads like [b18] overhead-roads to release the traffic stress ,so that the air quality[b19]
in cities will improve a lot ,too.[b20]
Overall,fund [b21] are needed in both of areas,but it is not wise to say that more
money should be used in rail or road,it must according [b22] to the circumstance.
[b1]measures
[b2]but
[b3]注意断句，Many
[b4]写作中是cannot
[b5]compared
[b6]transfer
[b7]destination
[b8]has invested
[b9]safer
[b10]more convenient
[b11]指谁？
[b12]改成during
[b13]符号不对
[b14]又是连接谁？
[b15]passengers
[b16]另起一句，大写
[b17]？
[b18]这是口语用词
[b19]和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里？
[b20]口语
[b21]funds
[b22]情态动词后用原形
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子，因为口语化的说法很多，最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句。句子可以写长，但长句也遵循语法规则，需要连词或者合适的代词。需要系统学习语法。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路，考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了。
附批改原图：
END
【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼1、危险的运动应该被取消 ，这样的话题出现的还是比较普遍的，相对来说也比较好写，但也因为范围太广不好找切入点，这位同学写得还不错，看看他是怎样展开思路的？
作文题目：
Some people think that
dangerous sports should be banned,but others think the people should have
freedom to choose sports activities.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
作文内容：
Extreme sports are becoming
increasingly popular due to the fact that individuals nowadays are awash with
repeated daily work and want to find something exciting to do.Although a
group of people believe that the dangerous sports should be banned,I firmly
hold the opinion that people have their rights and freedom to choose sports
activities.
There is no doubt that extreme
sports may be life-threatening.Even if the security facilities have been
improved significantly compared to the past,accidents do exist.For
instance,every year there are some people getting injured or even losing
their lives in bungee jumping as a result of the loose cords or jumping from
a inappropriate place.From this perspective,it seems that in order to protect
human beings from danger,dangerous sports should be restricted.
However,doing dangerous sports is
an effective way to alleviate stress and make people cherish their
lives.Nowadays,owing to the fast flow of information,individuals live a
fast-paced life.When they finish certain works,now ones quickly flock to them
which could breed high pressure.In this circumstance,extreme sports such as
skydiving can help them get rid of the troublesome work[A1]
as they need to totally focus on
the dangerous sports,which means,they have little time to think about their
work.Moreover,people may cherish their lives more via experiencing the
frightening feelings of death.
To conclude,although extreme
sports like bungee jumping and skydiving may be life-threatening,the
probability is quite small.Also,the
dangerous activities are beneficial because they could alleviate stress and
make people cherish their lives.[A2] Therefore,they should be continued
and the authorities have the duty to make the security facilities more
reliable.
[A1]摆脱的不是工作，而是工作带来的压力，这里需要修改；
[A2]和上面的重复过多，缓解压力变相表达就是心情变得更加愉悦，可以从这个角度来改变表达方式，后者及意识的生命的宝贵，不可直接把上面的句子拿下来
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
结尾段的语句不够精炼，这点给整篇文章拉分。希望今后不要出现结尾段直接和上面表达雷同的情况，并且表达方式可以更加灵活
附批改原图：
雅思热文
以上就是雅思无忧小编给大家带来的雅思作文批改！帮忙了谢谢！最好是老师~（【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法）全部内容，希望对大家有所帮助！
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