雅思作文批改评析

今天， 为各位雅思考生展示一下雅思作文的批改评析，希望大能够以小见大，举一反三到自己的雅思作文写作当中。以下便是 为各位雅思考生带来的 批改评析 ，希望可以帮助广大雅思考生轻松 。更多 信息，请关注 。 作文点评

Facing many international pollution issues such as the energy shortage and global warming, some people believe that individuals have limited abilities to deal with that issue, compared with the nations and society.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

段太啰嗦，浪费了很多字数

An increasing amount of 后面才可以用不可数名词
行文表达太过口语化
With rapidly rapid economic development, an increasing number amount of pollution that has international impacts has aroused motivated people to pay more attention to environment al protection. People excessively exploit the natural resources due to the big gap between economic development demand and natural source supply. I am amazed when I heared (this is too informal ) Some people say ing that individuals have no contribution to make to cope with international pollution. As for me , In my opinion, nothing is further from the truth than this view .

二段论证不充分，把浪费在段的语句用在充分论证个分论点
写作中不可用缩写

In the first place, everyone can help to reduce pollution and do their bit for the environment. In other words, if every individual has the sense of environment al protection, we can make a great contribution to environment protection ( don't repeat nouns like this ) protecting it and controlling pollution ( this has been changed to make it a gerund and therefore parallel with 'protecting it' ) control . For example, turning lights off when you're you are (don't abbreviate) not in the room can save a lot of energy. Not leaving televisions, stereos and computers on standby with the little red light, even though they might look like they are turned off. Don’t look down on these actions. ( this last phrase is too informal ).

三段只写了政府的责任，没有继续写个人的责任。

In the Secondly place , environment al protection needs everyone s attention. A green environment is the system which is run made possible by two important links- government s and citizen s . Government s are taking major steps in environment al protection, such as introducing strict emission norms, penalt ies for industries which would cross emission limits, and strict automotive regulation. But all these efforts would will fail if we don’t cooperate with government s . If one link is active but the other link is inactive then the whole system cannot run properly. Both have to work together for an efficient system.

act as a cardinal link 表达太抽象
Above all, a conclusion can be made It can be concluded that everyone should take responsibility for environment al protection. Thus, I am firmly convinced that we are an important part of the link. If you understand this you can act as a cardinal link ( not sure what you are saying here? ).

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